Friday, March 13, 2009

Perspective: Act vs React

In 2006, I visited southern California for the first time
in my life. I had wanted to visit so many times before,
but it never worked out. I even considered moving
there a few years before, but it also didn't work out.

The idea of California was present for a long time,
simmering in the background. Didn't know that I
would ever move there, and never discounted the

When I had the opportunity to go to Los Angeles for
a seminar in the spring of 2006, I jumped at it. I
even came back the next month, for another seminar.

By July, I was wondering what it would cost to live there.
Could I possibly make it happen? Was it too ridiculous
to even consider? I sat down at the computer and
started to investigate. I was amazed to find that the
costs in the area I wanted to live weren't far from the
ones where I was living in New York. As a matter of
fact, it almost seemed to be even a better deal.

At the time, I had created my business doing hypnosis
and coaching via telephone
, and had flexibility in a
way I didn't have any other time in my life. I was doing
my own thing, and I could do it any where.

I decided to go back there in September, and see what
the possibilities were in person. I went back again
the next month and knew by the end of the visit that
I was going to be moving in January 07.

Every place that I went to people would ask me questions
like, "Are you moving for a job?" When I would say
no, then they figured I had to be moving for a man. I
would also then say no. Dumbfounded, they'd ask, so
do you have friends? family? here? Nope.

My response was "I am moving because I want to."

Some that I spoke with had never even been outside
of the state, so to think that someone could pick up
and leave NY and move all the way across country without
knowing anyone seemed incomprehensible.

Somehow, I don't think my family was surprised.
I was doing one more "crazy" thing. Some of my young
nieces, seeing me tear up only a day or two before I left
couldn't understand why I was leaving.

I was sad to go, but felt like it was the thing I had to do.
I explained to them that there might come a day when
they, too, needed to do something that would defy logic
of everyone around them, and they would remember
the moment, and know exactly what I was talking about.

My mom made the comment something to the effect of
"didn't anyone ever tell you you were too old to pursue
your dreams?" I know she didn't mean any harm in it,
however, it was quite a statement to be made.

What in the world does that say for where her mindset
was? It made me think that she couldn't be the only
one who would decide in a moment that something that
had always been present was unattainable because of
_________________(fill in the blank).

Maybe some of the reasons make total, logical sense.
Maybe it's true I would have been "safer" and more
comfortable if I had stayed in my element. Well, actually,
there's no maybe there. I would have been much
safer and more comfortable. Being in a place and
not knowing anyone is something I severely under-

However, I am glad I didn't know the difficulties
I was going to face, because they may have prevented
me from making the move.

Even though I have now been here a little over 2 years,
I am still finding my way. I have been asked if I have
any regrets about the move.

When I left NY, it was clear to me that I was headed
toward California, rather than leaving NY. In the time
I have been here, I have considered going back. However
the one promise that I have made myself is that if I
was to go back, I would have to be clear as to why I
was doing what I was doing, and that a move back
east could only be because I was headed
to NY, and not leaving California.

It is clear to me that if I am doing something to
escape something else, it is a REACTION to my
situation. If I do something to move myself toward
something then I am ACTING.

I don't know about you, but reacting for me doesn't
always leave me feeling so great, and can the things
I did in reaction can open up other issues. I wish I
could say that I no longer react to things. However,
I suspect that might only come after my last breath.

The cool thing, though, is that I get to be more
aware of what's going on. The times in my life that
I took action in the face of some very sucky (or
potentially sucky) events, I can truly say I have
never regretted regardless of the outcome, and
some of the outcomes really did suck!

So...why in the world would I move cross country
without knowing anyone? The same reason I do
so many other seemingly *crazy* or unorthodox
things - because it feels right - to me.

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