Perspective: A good kind of exhaustion

Have you ever really wanted something really bad?

Have you done all that you could to make it happen,
even if didn't? Have you said all there is to
say?

I came across this today, and I thought it an
interesting statement that I made to someone in
a letter:

"I have done all that I can. I have exhausted
every avenue, every option, every street, every
thing...so much so I stand here feeling empty
and yet complete."

The beauty is that it was a situation that I
very much wanted to turn out differently than it
did, however I found peace in the fact that I
said and did everything I could.

Communication is a beautiful and powerful thing.

Differences of Perspective Keep The Conversation Going

After I published the last blog post, I received an email from
someone who had read it and felt, based on how they
understood it, that I was off the mark. I want to share it,
as I think

1. It is good to have these types of conversations and
2. There might be others who think similarly

******************************************************

Here is what they had to say:

I am not sure how I feel about this piece in its entirety, but
rather than try to get into a twitter discussion about it,
I will say this;

That in light of recent events in Iran, I have a REALLY
hard time reading that last line, “It is up to you and each
and every vote counts.” and not thinking about people
dying on the streets because their votes most assuredly
did NOT.

So with that, I have to say that the timing of this piece
is questionable, at the very least.

Also, I understand your philosophy about not being
able to change another’s perspective. I just don’t
agree with it ... At all.

I have found in my life, in numerous situations, where
discussion (if not revolution) can result in people
changing their perspectives, their actions, their opinions,
in fact their very way of life.

It’s happened in front of my eyes working with street
children in Central America. So I know empirically that
it’s worked. And it’s what I want to believe ...
HAVE to believe is possible in my life.

...We are a ways apart on this point.
Although I will accept your perspective.

******************************************************

This was my response:

I thank you for taking the time to write out your thoughts...
very difficult to have philosophical conversation
in 140 character tweets.

Not that I am sure it really matters, but I actually wrote
this piece in 2004.

There is much difficulty for me when I express things
that work for mid range/normal/every day folk because
I know taken out of context there may be questions and
issues about the content.

The purpose of the article was more from a self awareness
perspective, rather than a global one.

As I tweeted yesterday (I had been tweeting @theexpert
on the topic of the power of words), I think within is
where it needs to begin - however, it certainly should
never stay there in my mind. If that was the case, I
wouldn't always be trying to reach out to make a
difference.

Being human is a team sport...We do not live in a vacuum.
However within the grand perspective are smaller ones,
and they all count, too. If we don't look at the smaller pieces,
I think in many ways the larger ones are doomed.

In no way am I saying that we shouldn't address other's
perspectives...that is where conversation comes in. If we
communicate how we feel, and nothing changes, then
we have choices we need to make. That is apparently
what is happening over in Iran - and in the context of what
I wrote, what they are doing is exercising their "vote."

I also want to note that I am not saying that perspectives
can't change, or that we shouldn't do things to present ideas
that can be a causes for consideration for those of another
mind...just that WE can't change another's perspective,
although we can make an argument for it, and perhaps
see changes as a result of their choice to alter where
they stand on an issue.

As I think about it, the article might stand amending.
There might be a 4th option, and that could be to make
the case for change. However, I would note that that
certainly might mean a revolution or battle of sorts. A
person would have to decide for themselves whether
or not it was a potential battle worth pursuing. There
are many battles that aren't likely worth it. The freedom
that Iranians are fighting for, well...that's a different
story (and still an individual choice to make and also
slightly out of context for what I wrote).

I would never pretend to understand why things are as
they are, but what I do know in terms of my own experience
comes from my own experience. People have a better
chance of listening when they feel they are being heard.

Is it an absolute? Absolutely not. Where are the
answers to the tough questions? I only wish I knew.

In the meantime, we need to be the best people we can
be and be in touch with ourselves, and beat the drums
of our own messages as we feel appropriate.

I admire you for your stand...You have a strong message,
and one that most certainly needs to be heard. I wish
I knew better myself how to communicate on things on
the bigger world scale. My "specialty" however, is the
one that occurs in our inner world.

I would like to think that if more people were in touch
with that place, the world as a whole would stand a
better chance. Conversation is very much a "live"
thing. It has great power to create. I appreciate the
opportunity you have given me to consider these
words in a different way.

I don't think we're as far apart as you might have
thought. I also appreciate your willingness to discuss,
and explore, if there was more of that we'd also be a
lot better off.

******************************************************

I think the above speaks for itself, and I am not sure
what could be added. However, interestingly, today
I saw a link for 22squared.com. (Once again, through
Twitter and, more specifically my "new" friends
@Collective_Soul.) They have a few videos on the site,
including the one below. Their company is about
business and branding, however I believe this message
speaks to all of life, and I think it was very well said.
I share it with you as an addendum to this conversation,
and as a possible perspective to consider.



Through differences of understanding, sometimes
communications can be misunderstood. I truly feel that
many of us are on the same page, we just don't know it.

What do YOU think?

(You may also want to read:
Words. Power. Are the Two Connected?)

Is that W-A-L-R-U-S?

This was written a few years ago. Thought I would
share it with you here. Enjoy!

*****************************

A few years back, I went to London, England. I needed to get a passport-like photo taken, but the machine I wanted to use was of order. When I called the company who owned the machine, I asked where they had another location. I was told, “Walrus.” “Walrus?” I confirmed. “Walrus,” was the response. I should have asked for the spelling, but the person had said, “Walrus.” I asked around, and no one knew where there was “Walrus” until, that is, someone realized that “Walrus” was “Woolworth’s.” Apparently, the person I spoke with and I both thought we were saying the same thing – but boy, were we not!

Similarly, while I was there, I learned that elevators are called “lifts,” escalators are called “elevators,” what we would call subways are underground walkways for them, and what we would call subways in the US, are called “tubes” in the UK.

We speak the same language, don’t we? And yet, as you have probably realized, there is a great potential for misunderstanding.

In this case, it is quite easy to see how there would be an error. However if one did not know these differences, and did not know that there WAS a difference, can you imagine the frustration?

Asking around for “Walrus” was quite frustrating!

In a case like the above, it would probably be fairly easy to forgive a misunderstanding – and even define the differences. After all, most would recognize that it’s a different culture, and the differences are to be expected.

However, most people who live in a similar place would not be as likely to expect these types of misunderstandings from words. As a result, they would have expectations from a conversation, not realizing that they may define things, or hear something, differently than how the person who spoke it meant it.

What happens in those times when someone tells another “Woolworth’s", and the other hears “Walrus,” and neither knows what the other thinks they’ve said? Quite possibly there could be conflict, argument, upset. And neither would know how to fix it. After all, weren’t they both saying the same thing?

Hmmm. Does this sound like anything you’ve experienced?

My example is quite humorous in retrospect. But oftentimes when this happens it is not – especially not in the context of close or intimate relationships. We want, and expect, those closest to us to the person we need, do the things we want, and say all the right things. In some cases, this person may think they are, but how you hear, see, or experience it, has you feel otherwise.

The next time you have a disagreement, consider this: Words were just the beginning of your conversation.

Ask the other person to tell you what they think was said – the words, and the meaning behind the words. Listen carefully for differences in “accent” and meaning.

Ask for spellings. Is that “W-A-L-R-U-S?” In other words, “THIS is what I have heard, am I hearing your correctly?"

Ask for pictures, “Can you show me a picture of the elevator, or describe it to me?” In other words, “How does (THE THING YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT) look, feel, sound to you?” How do you know what it “looks” like? How will you know it when you are it, experience it, or see it?

Take no meaning, or word, for granted. If anything, consider that all that you “know” means something other than what you think.

It’s important to remember that we don’t all hear things the same way, and we don’t have the same experiences. Words are only the starting place for our communications. How someone experiences what we say will have greater impact on our conversation - and its effectiveness - than what we meant, or what we said.

Perspective Short: Elizabeth Alraune - Communication

I would say without communication
few things are possible,
with it almost anything is.

-Elizabeth Alraune

Playing with Perspective

Today I saw a link that explains
how to approach the questions
you want to ask when looking for
a job, and wanting to be hired.

Ask some of the questions one way,
and you will be perceived in a
negative light. Ask it in
another way, and you might find
the person more receptive you.

For the 10 question never to ask
in job interviews click here.

The question I have always wondered
around this is...doesn't everyone
know what is really happening, what's
really being said, any way?

The point I would imagine is more
along the lines of a person's
intention. Of course, any employer
will want the best intentions from
a potential hire. However, there is
no real way, in my mind, to gauge
that in any "practical" sense...at
least not in words only.

I would suggest that these little
games we play would be unnecessary
if all parties involved could look
at the situation with respect,
and honoring the parties involved.

When I read number 10, and about
having more than 2 weeks to get
started, it made it seem like in
some employer's minds it would be
a negative.

C'mon now...who wouldn't
mind some time off between jobs,
especially if you know it'll be
some time until you are able to
take vacation?

If you weren't employed, maybe
you need some time to get things
together before returning to work.
Why does that say somehow that
you don't really want the job?

Why can't we just talk to each
other about the things that matter
to us in a way that is productive
and helpful, rather than feeling
like we need to conceal parts of
ourselves?

In some ways, it seems very much
like some relationships, and in some
ways, it's not much better there.

Let's make ourselves look as good
as possible, and then, once there
is a commitment, all bets are off.

Then let's see who is willing to
communicate, negotiate and, in the
end dissolve the relationship, if
necessary?

Wouldn't it be so much better to
know what we are getting into?
It would seem to me to be a way
of preparing everyone for the
best possible outcome.

I realize it's not that simple.
But, oh, how I wish it was.

At the same time, it is as simple
as our willingness to speak up and
be true to ourselves.