Friday, November 6, 2009

Understanding is difficult, and yet Judgment is so Easy

I was just watching a video with Rhianna.

She speaks eloquently about her experience
with Chris Brown.

There were many things that struck me about
what she said, but there was one thing in
particular that stood out. She says she
was embarrassed that she fell in love with
"that" type of person.

What I have found in calls with my clients
is that many define love a certain way -
one with conditions attached. In the world
of Love, many times Love gets confused with
actions or lack of thereof.

Love is Love. Abuse is Abuse.

They are two separate things. You can totally
Love someone who has abused you, you just don't
have to stay with them. However, when Love
gets collapsed with actions, the leaving part
isn't so easy.

Human beings often merge things together, and
they become one. It takes the ability to
alter one's perspective to be able to see the
parts that make up the whole.

Love isn't something we have, but it is
something we have access to through our
interpretations of acts and things. How we
experience Love is an interpretive dance,
one in which our interpretations will
take us to the places or great joy,
or potential sadness
. The place we get
caught is believing that Love=those things.

If I was to speak to Rhianna, and she'd want
to know what I thought, I'd tell her:

Love the fact that you could share Love.
It is an incredible gift.

Love that you can now separate the feeling
of Love from how it is represented.

Since the way it was represented was harmful
to you, Love that you were able to take a
different action.

Love yourself. You are not stupid, as some
might say or believe, nor do you have any
reason to be embarrassed. Like you said,
you are a human being, and human beings tend
to do things that aren't always understood.
Ironically, some of the choices we make that
wind up causing pain are meant to take care
of us.

We think we're supposed to know it all, and
have it all handled. Our ego is great for that.
However if you look at life, it seems that it
isn't meant to be seamless. Take what you
can from this situation, and do your best to
focus on what helpful things can (or have)
come from it.

Love Love. To feel any other way about Love
is to have is to still have it collapsed with
other things. Love is a beautiful thing.

I realize that in the midst of pain it is
difficult to see much else, and painful
situations are so much easier on the outsider
who always seems to have an answer.

Situations like yours are never easy, and
neither are the answers, and no one will ever
fully understand why you did what you did
or what happened, but that won't stop many
from judging. I am sorry for the pain of
their judgments, and how they can mess
with you.

If they would take a step back they might
realize that even though they don't
understand you or your situation, they have
had times when they've been uncomfortably on
the receiving end of another's judgment.

Thank you for sharing where you've been. In
my experience it is helpful when someone
steps outside of the mask that many wear while
in the world.

To anyone reading who might be struggling in
a relationship, or just struggling in general
(feelings like these aren't exclusive to
situations like this one) odds are you, too,
are doing things that are unconsciously guiding
you for your own good. If you want to make a
change, and don't know how, have you considered
hypnosis? It is one of the best ways to tap
the part of you that is making the choices, and
help it to make new ones.

You CAN break destructive habits and behaviors.

To learn more about hypnosis, please visit

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